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December 8th, 2006 at 10:34 am

The therapist called this morning and she had a sick child. Understandable with the weather being so crazy. Cold today and then warming back up by the end of the weekend. Anyway, I rescheduled for Tuesday. It will give me time to coordinate my random notes into something cohesive. It cracks her up when I bring my notes and lists. She says no one comes with an agenda! I often have a list of things I want to learn or accomplish or understand. It's a good sign--I can THINK again. For so long, my brain function was so limited. For those who wondered, I have dysthymia (a low-grade depression disorder--medicated), mild OCD (not like Monk--I am not spotless--I do other things, but have learned how to overcome a lot of them, wonder if my medication works on that...hmmm), severe panic disorder (medication--thank goodness, got tired of nearly passing out in movies, restaurants, grocery stores, driving the car, etc., now I just get a little anxious in crowds but nothing serious), and a mild form of bipolar (non medicated--managed). Overall, I am doing great. The panic disorder really kicked in after the birth of DD. My body chemistry was so out of whack that I couldn't regulate my temperature well, and don't get me started on the wacky hormones. I remember really getting scared when I realized I had gone from a mostly "A" college student to not understanding how to turn on a copy machine while volunteering at a school. And they had just showed me how. I would be driving somewhere and not remember how I got there. I couldn't find my way home a couple of times. But I made it through. Some terrific people recognized what was happening and stepped up to help me. I've been told that bipolars are really creative. Many composers, artists, writers, and statesmen have had some of these things. So I'm in good company.

Probably too much information that you didn't want to hear. But I wanted to thank all of you for the support! It can be a lonely road. I've known several others in my lifetime that had to keep their stuff hidden cos of employers, family, etc. I am fortunate that I can share. Like those who helped me, I want to encourage others who are hurting and don't know why. I am in a priviledged position in that I can do this without reprocussions. Thanks again to this community of great people....

6 Responses to “Challenges”

  1. Thrifty Ray Says:

    Thank you for sharing. I am sure there are folks reading this post that can relate...and perhaps your openness will help them.

    Thank goodness you were diagnosed and treated appropriately so that you could feel/live better. I am sure it was, in part at least, to your ability to document and organize your thoughts and ideas ahead of appointment time!

    Again, thank you for sharing.

  2. janH Says:

    I didn't get diagnosed for quite a while because there wasn't as much knowledge or treatment as now. I am so excited that there are so many more options for people than ever before. And more acknowledgement that these disorders are the same as blood pressure problems or diabetes. Hopefully, now, the stigmas attached to them will disappear.
    And I am fortunate in that I can figure out what makes me tick. I hope to apply that more to my finances.....

  3. Ima saver Says:

    Hang in there Jan, you are doing great!

  4. StressLess Says:

    Jan, I can appreciate what a relief it must be to be able to think again. When I went through depression, I remember trying to read and just not being able to. It IS a good sign, and I'm glad for you. (Also, congratulations on finding a therapist you click with.)

  5. tinapbeana Says:

    jan, you're right, 'bi-polar' is pretty common in creative and entrepreneureal circles. ted turner is bi-polar, and i think he's managed to do pretty OK Big Grin
    i majored in psych in college & one of my professors told us a story about a former colleague of his. this lady was a professor, had a PhD in psych and was bi-polor but refused to acknowledge it. when she was manic she would shop, specifically for kaleidescopes. wound up with about 3000 of them... doesn't matter who you are, recognizing there's an issue and getting it addressed makes all the difference in the world.

  6. janH Says:

    Thanks everyone for all the support! It means a lot.
    Stressless: I'm sorry you went through it, but I appreciate knowing I am not the only one whose thinking ability disappeared. Sometimes, you don't know that others have gone through the same symptoms. Thanks for sharing.
    Tina: Christmas can be dangerous for me because I can go shopping happy. I try to make a list and budget and stick to it, because I seem to get more manic as the shopping progresses.
    Thanks for cheering me on, Ima and Thrifty Ray.

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