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Wreck of the Day

December 7th, 2006 at 05:55 pm

My house-- and-- me. I have been struggling a lot this last year. Didn't know where it was coming from. The docs were worried about a major depression and were going to up my medicine. But I had some really great leaps forward this year and wanted to wait and monitor myself closely. I go to see the docs again in a couple of weeks. Trying to understand what is happening now, I had a lightbulb moment. I sat down and wrote (well I paced about and then wrote) all I could think of connected to the idea. I think I could be on to something. I think my problem now is knowing how to deal with emotional issues. I feel things really deeply. I had blocked a lot of emotional stuff while I was undiagnosed and unmedicated, so now I have to learn to handle my deep emotions without caving in. I've been so busy raising kids and stuff that I had the didn't see the forest for the trees sort of thing. So I decided to call my therapist. I haven't been in two or three years, so I hoped that I could still be in her system. Got an appointment for tomorrow. I'm excited. I hope that this will be a turning point. Just like being here has been a turning point for my financial situation. She can teach me skills that I haven't learned yet. Or at least help me better understand the process. I don't want to go back to not feeling things except anxiety. I don't want to change who I am, just better understand how to live with myself. Some of my disorders are medicated and some are managed. So far, so good. I like who I am, I just don't always understand how to live with who I am. This might be the next step. Knowledge is powerful. And helpful. It is a journey.

I saw a sign on a church on a trip: Keep going--even the snail made it to the ark.

I'm going to get up and clean house and prepare to meet this new challenge.....

10 Responses to “Wreck of the Day”

  1. boomeyers Says:

    Way to go Jan! Sounds like you have just the right attitude!! And cleaning your house is a good step to help you feel more in control too! Good luck!

  2. jodi Says:

    Wishing you the best in the coming weeks - sounds like you are on the right track!

  3. moneycents Says:

    Sounds like you're already on the road to feeling better. Being able to identify what is troubling you is half the battle and you seem to know what it is and just need help with a game plan . Good luck tomorrow at the therapist.

  4. jriessel Says:

    Cleaning up always makes me feel better also - I have always thought that was strange so I am glad others feel the same way.

    Good luck to you - it sounds like you are getting the help you need.

  5. frugalmomof1 Says:

    Its great that you recognize that something is not right. Good luck with your appointment tomorrow!

  6. rduell Says:

    Good for you!

  7. kashi Says:

    We're here to support you! Smile

  8. mairgrif Says:

    Way to go on! Keep going. The results are worth it!

    Marianne

  9. janH Says:

    Thanks to everyone for their support! There is a sense of community here that I cherish.

  10. Broken Arrow Says:

    Take care, Jan. We're here for you. Wink

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